Introduction  

Emotional Abuse

Traits of an Abuser 

Cycle of Abuse

BDSM vs Abuse

Where to Find Help

Poems & Lyrics

Forgotten Rights of the submissive/slave 

Different Drummers

Variety of Links

 

 

Many people assume if there is no physical abuse, then there is no abuse taking place.  This is not true.  Emotional abuse drains you mentally and emotionally:  your self-esteem and happiness are destroyed.  Emotional abuse is usually a precursor to physical abuse.

EMOTIONAL 

ABUSE

Emotional Abuse is the infliction of mental anguish by threat, intimidation, humiliation, deception and/or other behavior.

  • The abuser invalidates your feelings.  He/she will ignore your feelings or belittle them by stating there is something wrong with you. 

  • The abuser ridicules or insults you and other people by calling them crazy, emotional, stupid, etc.  They may state that you are neurotic, cold, uncaring or not able to understand.

  • The abuser withholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment.  It is not uncommon for the abuser to be in other intimate relationships and to turn to them when he is angry with you.

  • The abuser continually criticizes you and others.

  • The abuser humiliates you in private and public.

  • The abuser demands you seek permission to do things, talk to other people, etc.

  • The abuser will go through your personal belongings.

  • The abuser will demand to know everything you do.  

  • The abuser may borrow or take money from you.  

  • The abuser destroys, sells or gives away things which are of importance to you.

  • The abuser threatens to leave or tells you to leave.  When you decide to leave, they beg you to stay and say how much they love you or need you.

  • The abuser blames you for problems.  Everything is your fault or the fault of someone else.  The abuser accepts no responsibility for their actions. 

  • The abuser harasses you about affairs he imagines you are having.  They accuse you of what they are doing.

  • The abuser manipulates with lies and contradictions. 

  • The abuser is very forgetful or claims to be.

  • The abuser manipulates with emotions, such as threatening suicide.  

  • The abuser tells you it is your fault when he physically or sexually abuses you.  He will state you ask for it, deserve it, like it, etc.

  • The abuser denies the behavior is abusive and/or minimizes the abusiveness; accuses you of making it up, calling you crazy, weak, stupid, etc.

  • The abuser will alienate you from your family, friends, etc.  He will keep you separate from his friends, never introduce you to them or say things about you.  He will try to separate you from your friends by insulting them or telling you to stop being around them.

If you recognize any of these traits in your partner, make a plan to leave.  Emotional/verbal abuse takes place prior to and/or in conjunction with physical abuse.  I know the difficulty in walking away from an abusive relationship.  It can be difficult emotionally, financially and mentally.  I understand the difficulty more so, when it is a D/s relationship.

written by lilpetBrat 2001